This week my primary focus has been on being a more fun mom to Dexter. I constantly feel guilty for not doing enough stuff with him a lone. I feel guilty because Max cries all day every day. I kid you not, if I am not holding him he is screaming. He screams at night if I am not holding him. So I feel like I am exhausted just by the time Dexter man wakes up. I feel like I am constantly taking my frustration with being screamed at by max on Dexter. I am short tempered with him and when he won’t listen to me I get so annoyed. Everyone knows how it feels to be ignored by an adult when they get distracted, but being ignored by a child who won’t even look at you when you are talking to them is worse. At least in my opinion.
Since Max has turned into this crazy screaming machine, I can not take Dexter ignoring me. It drives me crazy! I yell at him a lot more than I ever did before I had Max, and I try not to but sometimes it is just so hard when you never get a break. The longest I am away from my kids is the 1 hour I spend in the gym every night. Besides that they are attached to me. Then you see those stupid pictures of a mom all cute, with her hair and make up done, a nice outfit and a beautifully dressed child next to her. The picture says something like “cherish these moments”. I would cherish those moments if they ever happened. Am I really the only mom out there that feels like she is drowning? Where is the picture of the mom with a 2 year old with toys everywhere screaming for moms attention. The baby in moms arms red faced screaming as loud as he can, and of course mom in the same shirt she wore yesterday even though it has spit up, last nights dinner and a un known stain on it? What is the caption for that? Cherish these moments? Cherish being screamed at? Not talking to an adult all week? Those have been my moments for the past 3 months.
I wish I had family down here, I wish I could call my mom up and have her come over and just hold Max even for ten minutes to give me a break. I wish I had friends down here. I have never lived somewhere that I felt so a lone. Like such a loner. I go months without having adult interaction. It really is hard for me. I wish I could handle them better a lone.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. I constantly tell myself to slow down and be patient.That really is what this week was all about for me. Enjoying Dexter as a two year old, loving him unconditionally. Being patient with him and remembering that he was a two year old. TWO not old enough to really know the difference between right and wrong. Not old enough to understand that mom is going potty and holding Max and can not put a cape on right this minute. So I did my best trying not to get all caught up in the house work, trying to not let Facebook suck my into its black hole. Just trying to find new fun things to do with Dexter man. Last week I went on a pinning spree finding things to do with a 2 year old. There are surprisingly a lot of creative things I would of never thought of! It went well, Max still cried all week, my nerves were shot everyday when dad came home. But hopefully I made some good memories for him. I still yelled more then I would of liked to but, I am not perfect. I am a mom who loves her boys but is stressed out all the time.
So here is some of our fun.
Making moon dough, I let him pour the ingredients. He loved it.
Getting his fingers all messy.
Playing with the dough.
It was hard for me to just laugh and not yell at him for getting it all in his hair.
I let him put stickers on Max, and didn’t tell him to stop.
We made paints and painted the bath tub.
He loved that it made bubbles.
It was also hard for me to not tell him to keep his paints separate and to just let him play his own way.
We did more fun things, but I put down the camera and just played with him. <3 it was a good week. Still hard and my house is horrifying right now, but it was a good week.