Our 5 cents: June 2012

For the past few weeks all I have wanted was to hold my baby. Not that I was done being pregnant and not enjoying it but I just needed to feel his warm body on mine. I needed to nurse him and hold him. This is all I have thought about for weeks now. What was he going to look like? What was he going to smell like? I just could not wait to get my hands on him and kiss him. I was ready for a baby to be in my arms. It wasn't helping that it seemed like all my friends who were due after me were already having their babies.

This time was different than it was with Dexter though, I was fearful. Not of childbirth because I knew this time I could handle it. Not of having a newborn because I knew what to expect. I was afraid for Dexter. For the past 21 months all my attention has been on him. He wants to go to the beach me and him go. He wants to go to the park, we go. He wants to hold me I hold him. My life has revolved around him. I was able to meet his every need, his every want. How was it going to be with a new baby? And the thought of leaving him over night was hard. Not being able to read him his stories for those few days I was in the hospital was killing me. I was so afraid for Dexter, how on earth am I going to love two babies? Dexter is still a baby he still needs me. So bringing home a new baby was scary. I never want to make Dexter feel un-loved. How was he going to re-act? was he going to love his brother, was he going to want to help me? Or was he going to resent him, and try to hurt him for taking mommy away? Only time would tell and I was ready to find out.

Wednesday I was in so much pain. My mom had wanted to go to Walmart and I just wanted nothing to do with it. The thought of Walmart made me angry. But we went anyways and I was a raging well you know. The entire time. These people were walking behind us and they were kind of close and I had to hold my self back from screaming at them to get away from me. I was not in a good mood. But no contractions so I knew that baby wasn't coming I was just angry. Wednesday night I woke up around 1:30 am with cramping and slight contractions. I went to my bathroom to take a shower and hopefully help with the pain. When I walked into our bathroom I decided it HAD to be cleaned. right then and there. My shower could wait. I started scrubbing everything! Next thing I knew it was 3:30am and I was finished cleaning my bathroom and ready to take a shower. The shower helped and I was able to go back to sleep.
Thursday morning I was having light contractions but I couldn't really feel them but I thought hey why not go see Francis today instead of my scheduled appointment tomorrow! So I called and of course they got me in. My mom was home so she was able to watch Dexter while me and Phillip went in. I was dilated to 3cm. Which is nothing. But she said she thought I was in labor she gave me a list of things to do and told me to come back in three hours. I did everything she told me to and we went back to the doctor and we had the car packed with our hospital bags, we ended up with like four! haha. Well she checked me again and I was 6cm! She did some fetal monitoring and an ultra sound and after we talked about it I decided I would let her break my water at the hospital.
It was now about 5pm and we headed over to the hospital. There was no parking so Phill dropped me off and he went and parked the car. And wouldn't you know it some idiot asked me if I was going to have a baby! It made me laugh so hard. Here I am almost two weeks over due, and huge standing in front of the hospital and this jackass asks me if I am going to have a baby! So I told him "yeah that's why I am here!" idiot.. Anyways. We get up to our room and get all checked in and settled. I still was not in much pain. I could feel my contractions but they were not hurting. It was strange. Then Francis showed up. She broke my checked me and I was 7cm. Then she broke my water. Let me tell you it hurt so bad her checking me that I scooted all the way up to the top of the bed and I did not even feel my water breaking. Well I had told her my whole pregnancy that I wanted to have a water birth or at least use the bath tub to help ease the pain. My room however did not have a bath tub. So she said something to the nurse and had us switch rooms!
Thats when the pain started. And man did it start! Next time someone remind me to not let anyone break my water until I am about to push! Because apparently I don't feel contractions until my water has broken. Well I tried to handle the pain alone, I got in the tub and that helped for about an hour but then it hurt again. Then I tried walking, that was worse. I tried rocking back and forth, that hurt. Rocking side to side was the only thing that would help but it still hurt to much and I gave up and asked for an epidural. I had wanted to be able to get through the pain and do it with out, but I couldn't. After the gorilla bear gave me my epi I was fine but my labor had come to a halt. I was refusing pitocin though. I may have failed at the no epidural, this time at least but I was not going to have any pitocin! So me and Phill laid in bed, enjoyed each others company. We played cards, watched tv, talked about what Dexter must be doing right then, and how crazy our lives were about to get! While watching Criminal Minds my contractions were super strong but then that was over and we watched something else and they died down again. Finally around 4am I called the nurse in and said I was ready to push. Or at least I thought. She checked me and I was at 10. It was time to push.
Frances arrived in my room a short while later checked me and said it wasn't quite time yet. She adjusted my bed and I sat up more and labored down. At about 4:30am it was for reals time to push!
After pushing for about thirty minutes they gave me an oxygen mask to wear so the baby could get more air. I was really feeling like giving up. I just felt like I was trying so hard and nothing was happening. It was very discouraging. At one point I started crying and telling them how it was just not fair that those stupid girls on 16 and pregnant got their babies out so fast and I couldn't! But when I was getting most discouraged Frances told me she could see his head and he had a full head of black hair. She even helped me feel his head as he was coming out. It was a really amazing feeling. This time it was a lot more calm. The nurse who was in there was amazing, and this time there was not 5 nurses in there like there was with Dexter. Actually the nurse who was in my room this time was also working when Dex was born, and she was the only one who I would let take him out of the room. Phillip was also a lot more help this time. He had my mini fan on hand for when I got to hot. when I told him to help me take of my hospital gown because I was going to have a hot flash he immediately took it off no questions asked this time. He also watched Max come out this time and I never thought I wanted him to but the look on his face as our son was being born is something I will never forget. After I finally gave the last push and the nurse put him on my chest I started crying. He was perfect. He had a head full of black hair. He had swallowed a lot of amniotic fluid so he was pretty congested but he wanted to nurse right away. I loved holding him. His warm body on my skin was such a perfect moment. The wait was finally over, I had my Max.